We have a lot of talent in the originals league. But if we were TV characters who would we be?
The OOH TV Show.
PRIME aka Forrest (Forrest Gump)
Life is like a box of chocolates. And sometimes you get an amazing box of players anyone would kill for…then sometimes you still find ways to lose. But were backing you and we love you.
TO aka Batman
Not the hero OOH wants, but the one it needs.
PACK AL aka Ramsey Bolton (Game of Thrones)
Bit of a Cuba but seems to enjoy revelling in it. Can be very successful in dominating opposition but his wild claims of amazingness only set him up for the kingdom to want him to lose
JIMMY aka Yoda
Wise old man, with a degree in maths did you know, and the glue that keeps everyone together. If you win, its usually because hes letting you and its some sort of lesson in the force.
L4NCHMAN aka Ben Grimm (Fantastic Four)
Doesn’t say a lot more than “ug”. And when he plays he likes to smash your back doors in with Stewart down the middle. Ug.
JR aka Deadpool
Delicately balances sarcastic digs with being nice and caring. Wins despite being drunk 98% of the time.
WAYNE aka Rob Stark (Game of Thrones)
Every Joker needs a Batman; Wayne is aiming to be King of the (AFC) North and hush up Ramsey Bolton. Has the support of everyone but not always the ability and could end up dead in his aims for division success.
CRAIG aka Reek (Game of Thrones)
Once a feared warrior, now plays like he’s had his balls chopped off by Al, constantly scheming his return to greatness but without balls its tough. ‘Nuff said.
TOBLI aka Cartman (South Park)
Grumpy whiney bastard that has stopped speaking when he realised he wasn’t going to win OOH and his bet on the Cowboys to win the Superbowl was a pile of wank. If he ever got a position of power in society would definitely be heard saying “you will respect my authoritway”
BLAIR aka Jerry Macquire
Hasn’t played Andre yet so still not speaking. Apart from to flog players but with a Lions profile picture just to fuck with your head.
MIDGETMOOSE aka President (Independence Day)
Doesn’t really seem like President Material, seems miss cast and generally like he doesn’t really want to be there whilst Aliens invade and seems very happy to let Will Smith take over everything. Then he steps up to make an inspirational speech and somehow becomes a great fighter.
ANDRE aka Taz
Half the time no one understands what he’s saying or where he’s actually from. Claims to have a girlfriend but most of us struggle to believe he has a job he chats so much. But at the same time he’s very lovable and you’d have him as a pet. In a cage. outside.
SHANE aka Arthur Weasley (Harry Potter)
The best thing to come out of the midlands since Tuberculosis, he seems to magic great play as quickly as he magic’s interceptions and fumbles – guaranteed to put on a show!
HARRY aka Frank Gallagher (Shameless)
No fucks given. Overtly sexual. Waste of oxygen. Top lad.
TEDDY aka Edward (Jedward)
Never far apart from Oli, small murmurings of an incestuous relationship (as per in Burnley) and tried to hide his celebrity name with “Teddy”. Extended break over xmas whilst he was filming in the Big Brother house.
OLI aka John (Jedward)
Never seen without his best bud, doubts over his sexuality, often late with updates of key sporting news due to doing his hair and updating his twitter. Never know which John is going to turn up either. Has hit the occasionally catchy tune before descending into atrociousness.
CHRIS RITCHIE aka Jekyll & Hyde
Who are you going to play? Who knows – he doesn’t either. World beater one week – losing to James the next. Albeit working in underfunded and under resourced environment.
ALASTAIR aka Gandalf (Lord of the G String)
THOU SHALT NOT PASS. But neither will I. that’s the motto here. Doesn’t give anything away but doesn’t score either. Fans of this team are often seen taking their knitting to games. But we cant help but feel that are close to the promised land.
JAMES aka Ricky Tomlinson
Grumpy fuck nowadays. And hairy. I assume he’s getting fat too. Nothing to note of his play. Wins some. Loses some. Consistently backs shit QBs. Basically like a granddad in his chair. Like this guy.
DJ aka Dumbledore (Harry Potter)
Older than time itself. But still has a few tricks up his wizards sleeve…
VALLEYFLOYDJAM aka Rocky Balboa
Never heard of defense. Just throws punch after punch and hopes that he knocks the other guy out before they knock him out. Often works too.
BEN aka Lily Allen
When you swear they look similar… have I seen her before? Are they related? And you then realise they are the poor, less talented, more hair, relation. Often heard screaming on the microphone and trying not to say “Craig, What the fuck are you doing!?” Also likes anal when it comes to trades.
GLYNNERS aka Kevin Bacon
Has a finger in every pie but definitely gay. Loves being on film but never really done anything good…
BREATHINGSPACE aka Bob Lee Swagger (Shooter)
You never see him coming. Some don’t know who he is. But he will snipe you. He will kill you.
AARON aka Renton (Trainspotting)
This is a story of redemption, spelt A-A-R-O-N. Forged in a tough environment he’s seen the bottom and he’s recovering. Scrambling his way to a better life with an addiction to running backs.
ROB aka Vanilla Ice
Looks mega on twitch – but you know behind the scenes he was to go wank Daisy off into an urn when its finished. Seemingly dropping straight fire and No.1 hits one day – then absent and quiet the next – seems to follow the same pattern as Liverpool FC and the Steelers…
CHICKENB0Y aka Dr Xavier (Xmen)
Wins seemingly effortlessly – often reads your mind and toys with you to teach you lessons. Apparently plays using his mind and not even with his hands.
JERRY aka Kiddiesnatcher (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)
Being in a depressing division he can never win, he resorts to picking off smaller prey to make his playoff pushes (none sexual reference)
MICHAEL B aka Superman
Solid guy, solid player, seems to be really normal when not in uniform – you have to be superman to beat CB out of playoff contention.
BIG DALY aka Peter Griffin (Family Guy)
Better at being funny than Madden at the moment but then suddenly has games of “genius”. Plays like the London Hootenannies
PFG aka Danny Dyer
All nice until you make a joke about Hazard and he starts shouting “YOU WHAT YOU F*CKIN’ C*NT” – Was a bit distracted by the Charlie last year but this year with Chelsea giving him less stress he’s focusing on winning. Definitely threatened Ben into trading.
STEVE MCQUEEN as Himself
Can’t really be anything else and beating drunk Andre is the only time hes ever spoken.